So you’ve finally done it. You’ve ditched that $150/month cable bill. You’ve stuck it to the big guy, and now you’re looking for a way to get your mass-produced content from the other big guys. Well fear no more! Here is a list. I know how you love lists.
1. Sign back up for cable
Did you know most cable carriers offer massive discounts for new customers? Many of them will even afford these discounts to former customers, to bring them back. For the low, low price of exactly what you were paying before once they’ve added in all their hidden fees, and only about $20 more than your old bill after the first six months. The savings are unstronomical!
2. Go outside
I think I saw a squirrel out there. Hours of family fun!
3. Just be bored
The world doesn’t owe it to you to keep you entertained. As third-world civilizations and cats know, it’s okay to be bored. Sometimes you just want to sit on the couch, looking at the TV, but not watching anything. Thanks to cord-cutting, you finally can!
4. Sign up for every streaming service
With all the streaming services available out there, you can find lots of content without ever paying a cable carrier. Between Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, CBS All Access, HBO Now, Sling TV, Playstation Vue, Starz, Showtime, FunimationNow, Youtube Red, and Crunchyroll, there’s a veritable cornucopia of content you won’t watch, just like you had with true live television. After the small initial investment of either a set-top box such as the Roku or a new smart TV, you’re looking at just $213 per month plus applicable taxes and fees (price accurate as of October 6, 2016) for all the content you could want, as long as you don’t want new release movies, and not including the cost of internet access. What a deal!
5. Steal cable from your neighbor
Technically, this option makes you less of a cord-cutter and more of a cord-splicer, but your wallet won’t know the difference. Worst case scenario, you go to prison, where they have free cable. It’s a win-win!
6. Watch the old VHS cassettes DVDs you already have
How long has that copy of Jerry Maguire that you got for a dollar at your local thrift shop been sitting on your shelf waiting to be watched? Heck, even if you have watched it, it’s still a pretty okay movie. Same thing goes for all the other movies you already have. Are you really so spoiled that you have to watch new things? A movie doesn’t get worse just because it’s older. Stop whining and watch the stuff you’ve got.
7. Read the book version
The Harry Potter movies are mostly pretty fantastic, except for the first and seventh ones that are kinda boring, but did you know that they’re also available in book format? These book versions are almost as good as the real thing! Sometimes, there might even be multiple book versions, as is the case with Jumanji, which was a book in 1981, a movie based on the book in 1995, and then a book based on the movie based on the book in 1996. With all these fantastic options out there, the only reason to waste your time on the film is because films are more fun than books.
8. Watch shows on Crackle
This is somewhat of a last resort option because Crackle kinda sucks, but they do have some shows on there if you absolutely need to get a fix, don’t want to spend money, and don’t mind misplaced ads in the middle of scenes (sometimes even mid-sentence!) and an odd selection of episodes that starts in the middle of a show and ends elsewhere in the middle. But it’s frustrating enough that I would only do this if option 2 is not available.
There you have it. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Until next time, I’m Covarr!
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