We’ve all been there. You’ve got some really expensive thing you want to buy, but you can’t afford it, because of those pesky “must” expenses. But thanks to me, there’s another way! Read on for some of the most exciting new innovations in the field of life hacks, and be on your way to living your day the easy way.
1. Start a piggy bank
Have you ever paid cash for something at the store? That 7th Heaven Season 1 DVD costs $8.86, but you’ve only got a ten, so the cashier gives you $1.14 in change. The dollar bill is fine, because you can use it in the vending machine at work for a bag of peanuts, but what on earth are you supposed to do with fourteen cents in coins? That’s not enough to buy anything! A study has shown that most people wait until they get home and toss their coins down the garbage disposal, but wait! There’s another choice that big banks don’t want you to know about: holding onto it instead. If you put it into a jar or toy pig with a hole in it, and keep adding all the coins you get, eventually you’ll have enough money to buy an entire extra bag of peanuts at the vending machine. It’s basically free food!
But don’t save the pennies. Vending machines don’t take those, so they’re literally worse than worthless.
As we all know, rent is expensive. Depending on the property, it could be hundreds or even thousands of dollars a month, money that could be better spent on extra moves in Candy Crush Saga. But thanks to a little-known life hack called “squatting,” you might not have to pay rent at all. Simply find a vacant home, and when the owner or property manager isn’t looking, move on in! Many jurisdictions make it very difficult for them to remove you, so you could be there for months or even years without paying a dime!
3. Mug someone
Contrary to what some people think, finances don’t exist in a vacuum. Just because you’ve run out of money doesn’t mean the world has. Take a walk down a city street sometime, and realize that almost every person you pass has money too. Whether because they have a bigger paycheck than you or because they didn’t buy a pallet full of 7th Heaven DVDs, they didn’t run out of money when you did. Let their good fortune be your ill-gained gain. With a properly-hidden knife and good timing, their money can become yours to keep in a matter of seconds. Nifty!
4. Pirate video games, music, TV, and movies
Paying for media is a rip-off. These big studios are just trying to make money, without looking out for the little guy. As long as you can come up with a rationalization that works for you, you can steal their work guilt-free. Here are some examples of some excuses that hold up pretty well if you don’t think too hard:
- Everyone is doing it anyway, so what difference will one more person make?
- Time Warner CEO Jeffrey Bewkes makes over $30 million a year, and the company has no employees, so he can afford not to make $15 more on this album.
- I won’t get caught, so what’s the harm?
- ROM piracy is against the law, but technically emulation is legal, so essentially ROM piracy is legal too.
- It’s just a movie. It’s not like I stabbed anyone or anything.
5. Stop feeding your kids
One of the biggest costs of raising a child is food, and those little ingrates eat a ton of the stuff. But that doesn’t have to be the case. If you stop feeding them, they won’t die. At least, not right away. With a little luck, and maybe a gentle prod, they will tell their friends and teachers that they’re not eating at home. The best part is, the government will take them away and feed them at no financial cost to you. They might even give them to another family of suckers that actually wants to invest in that money sink! This frees up hundreds in your budget so you can afford that vacation you’ve wanted. Savings!
6. Pawn your friends’ stuff
When your neighbor or BFF has you over and there’s a spread of snack foods on the coffee table, the natural thing is to take some chips, dip them in some dips, and generally have a good time. There’s no rule that any food you eat needs to be returned before you leave. If you want to, you’re free to take it home as it digests, and poop it out in your OWN toilet. They won’t mind at all that you didn’t return it in theirs. With a little creative thinking and fast reflexes, this same principle can apply to laptops, jewelry, and other valuables. After all, if that phone wasn’t meant for general consumption, why was it on the same table as the pizza rolls? Just like food, once you take it, it’s yours to do as you please with. And if it’s a newer model, you could get a pretty penny for it. More if it’s got account numbers on it.
So there you have it. You’re just a few simple life hacks away from saving some money and livin’ it up like a champion! What are you waiting for? Get on out there and save!